Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
