Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
