So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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