well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
