I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
