at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
