If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
