he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
