I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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