ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
