The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
