hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
