My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
