so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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