I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
