I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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