I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
