bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
