I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
