Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
