if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
