As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
