I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
