I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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