right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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