how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
