my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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