on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Every concussion has its silver lining
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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