I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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