its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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