I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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