What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
