im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
