Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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