Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
