So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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