Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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