If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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