Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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