A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
