Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
