I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just invented taco cereal.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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