I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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