im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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