just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
