I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
