have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
