the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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