My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
