you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
